Well......... i slept at about 3+ am yest. had to help my mum cook and prepare all the necessary stuff needed.
Just as im about to enjoy my rest ( that i needed so badly). It time to wake up!it was 7 am.

Well... the first thing i remembered in the morning, was my late grandma, my late auntie and my late uncle. its been few years since they left for good.
I just couldnt help it........ but i really miss them. especially my grandma :'(

life has never been the same eversince she left.. its been 7 yrs now. but i stil miss her sooooooo much.

second thing that came to my mind....... was my cousin, Zizie. She's now studying in russia. So far away, from me. and its been many years that i am able to celebrate raya together with her.

Practically........ i dont see any joy in raya these days, because last time.. during raya. She will be coming over to my house. something that i'll look forward too. We'll talk till the wee hours, help out in the kitchen together. Go house visiting together, We even go look at abang2 together... heheh

She was a cousin and a friend all in one.

But now that shes so far away......... im all alone and bored .


The aunties will have thier own clicks, The children will form their own groups. Me?

yeah....... you guess it rite. I'll just sit and look at these people.

So can you imagine how my day went today? Gosh........ i miss the younger days.
No worries, No problems. Life at its best.........



Now trying to look on the bright side..... I actually recieve "duit raya" hahaha. its funny, i know.
but i guess... i just look young. cant help it ;)

It's Hari Raya Aidilfitri again!! it's been a month of fasting. And now its time to celebrate.
To all my frens, aquaintance. and loved ones. Forgive me for any wrong doings , gossiping, of any mis understanding and all the bad words i tend to " sing out" at times...

and also plz " halal kan" any money , if i still owe you guys k ;)


Hehe.......... Happy Collecting Money ( for the students) , and also Happy Berzakat ( for those working) ! ;)

1. single, taken or crushing?
Ans: taken

2. Are you happy with your life?
Ans: There's still some things, not fullfilled. but im still thankful for this precious life i have..

3. When you meet the right person, will you fall for him/her fast?
Ans: ermmm.. i dont think so.

4. Have you had your heart broken?
Ans: yes!

5. do you believe in circumstances, where cheating in love is acceptable.
Ans: HELL No!!

6. Would you talk to someone back, when he/she cheats on you?
Ans: So far , only once.

7. Have you talk to another person about marriage?
Ans: Errmm.... i dont really know. but for sure im wating for that day.

8. Do you want children?
Ans: Of course! i wanna be a mum... :)

9. How many?
Ans: i would love 5.... but being realistic, 3 i guess. insyallah..

10. Would you consider adoption?
Ans: if im not married, and im rich. definitely i will adopt an african child.

11. If someones likes you right now, what do you think to let you know his/her feelings?
Ans: i know there at least 3 people who like me now. but i dont care. As long as my Bf loves me..

12. Do you enjoy getting into relationship?
Ans: yes

13. Be honest, what did you do and your ex did?
Ans: He cheated, i didnt treat him rite..

14. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Ans: No

15. Are you romantic?
Ans: I dont know

16. Do you believe you can change someone?
Ans: trying too, for the better

17. If you could marry somewhere, where would it be?
Ans: hmm.. dont matter. but if its for nikah, i would like it in the mosque..

18. Do you easily give in when you're fighting?
Ans: never did........ untill recently, ive been giving in.

19. Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Ans: yes

20. Have you ever wished you could have someone, and you messed it up?
Ans: No

21. Have you broken a heart?
Ans: yes

22. One day, if your bestfren in love with he/she you are deeply in love with, what would you do?
Ans: I'll die... ( haha.. it wont happen, we got worlds apart taste in guys)

23. Are you missing someone right now?
Ans: Yes . i hope that someone is missing me too

Life have been miraculously great for me...

Have been busy these days... firstly because busy preparing for lulu's b'day and second is none other because of the coming Raya.

here are some of the recent updates: 20th oct 06


i took half day off from work. Met my boo....... spent some beautiful, wonderful time toether. Went to eat Choco waffles at Gelare.


He finally uttered the words ive been yearning to hear. It was just like my dreams.. .but this time its reality. Am blessed for sure..( thankful to god). Wanted to catch a movie, but... decided not, because it wil be too late for me to continue with my baking. So i Went home..... continued with my baking. ( cookies almost all done)

And oh yes.......... thanks baby for the DVD player. i finally got a new DvD player... yippeee!

19 th oct 06


nothing much... just work as per normal.



18th oct 06



It's Lulu's B'day!!!!


now.......... there's actually too much too say. We defenitely had a blast!
We got lulu Perfect 8 ( a slimming and toning device), went for dinner at The Rice Table ( also known as the b'day place to us). Went chilling and photo craze in Starbucks...

time for the pictures to do the talking ( blogging)



lulu posing with her b'day cake.. smile.. :)))





She look Good? ceh..... she posed not for us but only cause we mention MY SPACE ( a website)hehe..


the important people that made lulu's bday celebration succesful of course not forgetting sharon and zai( the photographer for this pic)

For the past 4 yrs..... ive never felt this way. For the past 1yr 5 mths... ive never felt loved like this before.


Yesterday........ i had the best moments of my time spent with him. We finally got the chance to spent some quailty time. Just the 2 of us.
No wors can desribe how i feel.
As i hugged him......... i secretly made a wish, that one fine day.... i'll be able to hug him everymorning, day and night just like that. For the rest of my life........
And yeah we kissed " blush" lots and lots. ( ooh... just typing this down makes me feel so estatic )




BUT.......





today, in just a few seconds..... i feel so distraught. so disturbed, so sad.
So many things going through my mind....... :(

I received an sms from him, it wasnt for me. He accidentally sms wrongly.

Gosh.. if only anyone could feel my heart beat at that moment. I was trying to act cool bout it.
But as the day gets later.... the more my mind cant stop thinking of that sms.

so many things were running through my mind. I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS!! i dont want to be a jealous person.
but how? my hear aches........... it hurts so bad, like its being scraped.. arrgghh!!


* long sigh* here i go again complaining..... when this is the path i choose to take.



just a thought-

Would you spent the rest of your life with someone whom you love or with someone who really loves and appreciate you? ( take it, if you cant have best of both world)

hmmm.......... i wonder if he's ok. Watever he's facing, hopefully everything will be ok soon....

Am i suppose to leave him alone, just as he asked me to? or should i at least sms him, since its already a brand new day?

oh well.......... guess ive no answer.


Anyways to my frens, Happy Weekend! Have fun with your loved ones

Yay!!! i finally made it. Sharon have been bugging me to make her the chocolate cornflakes. Was really difficult for me to do so, as ive been busy..busy.. and Lazy! ;) hehehe...

so yeah, now it's done... finally! :)

As for the suji, hazelnut balls, nestum cookies.... i'll have to find some spare time.. hmmm wonder when..


Last year, i gave my darling some cookies... but it was not up to his standard. So this year, i wont be giving any. ( also kinda scared the mother might think i'm bribing her)



Now that im much older, i finally know how Cash is really important during this Raya season.
Cash is spent so easily. Just the other day......... i Spent $500.
is that a lot?? honestly........ my family and i didnt even buy anything fancy. Mainly just baju kurung for 3 bros and a pair of shoes for my sis and also for one of my bro. All in all that adds up to 300.

hmm.... now talking bout this, i just remembered.... i better put aside the "Raya Hangboa"



Oh well....... its 3.30am now. i better head for bed... tomm got to go work. if i dont... i'll be dead ( sharon sweared she'll come knocking on my door to drag me out if i dont turm up to work tomm )



Toodles.... and also Goodnight Garfield! ( i miss you lots)

y does it always have to be me? y am i always the only one who will be running after him. trying to make things work. feeling sorry and guilty even for the most pathethic reason.

I'm just so so tired...... I'm tired of holding back this tears. trying to act all so strong and like as though im not affected...

Yes i admit, im really scared of losing him. i love him........ but does that mean, i always have to be the one giving in, swallowing all the bitterness by myself?

Is this all a Karma?
did i break too many guy's heart, was i a spoil brat to those guys, was i always demanding? that i have to face all this pain now.............


If i just keep quiet... and wait for his call. He might never even call.......... just like last time. for 4 days he didnt call. untill i come looking for him. :'(


god......... plz help me.... plz....... is this wat i deserve to love someone so much? am i doing too much?


*gtg now... before my mum see me crying..

oh........ what a lazy and hazy morning this is. Gosh im feeling so dreadful to go to work.

*-

I'm in a, Staying in bed with my boyfren... kissing , hugging and enjoying each other companion kinda mood.

which of course has never and will never happen. Today is Saturday........ and just like the past 5 to 6 weeks. We are not spending the Saturday together.

OMG!!! die "chialat lor"...... since ive never had it, am i going to be Blind??? ;)

it's tuesday. Yes i know it's already the 3rd of the month, but damn, im still super busy at work. thank god today is the final day for me to rush for the submission of september. * finally takes a deep breathe

sometimes, talking to the customers can totally drive me to my grave. ( especially during this fasting month) * the customers become extra "nice"




haiz.......... something out of the topic,

i suddenly am getting worried of my coming pay. will i have enough to pay off all the bills that is mounting?

will i have some extra cash to put aside for my family to use, since festive season is just round the corner?

when will i actually get to buy a new hp for myself?

will i even have enough to last me through the month? hmmm... i miss my younger days. i dont need to fork out... yet i RECIEVE CASH! ohhhh............... * make sad face

oh well........... got to face reality....

till then, toodles!

It was a simple surprise. Initially he told me, that he wont be able to meet me for his b'day. So i decided to just drop by under his block to surprise him.
And so i did. i went over to his grandma's blk and called him to meet me downstairs.

well it didnt go as what i planned. He didnt even get to blow the candles. ( the wind was blowing, i cant light it up).
Gave him his present ( Gundam ) and a small cute bear holding a bday cake. Over all i still had fun seeing him laughing and smilling so much. i hope he had fun and love his present :)

And oh yes... i had to go up to his grandma's place. Grrrrr........ it was really nerve wrecking for me.

* i made a wish last year.. tat i'll be able to spent your bday with you for the rest of my life. i thank god for this year*