Just as im trying to bring myself to senses, trying to relax....

i got a msg, My heart skipped a beat!

someone whom ive been trying not to think about.

Yup , it was Hasril...
wat's the sms about? " you wanna buy d camera frm me? "

and of course my answer is just a simple " No"


tat was it..

The next day, My a fren of mine called me ( someone who calls me once in a blue moon)
" hei, i saw your BF the other day"

Which of course ithen corrected her...... " not BF, My Ex Bf u mean"

Like everyone else.... she was shocked.


oH Well........ honeslty i didn't even know how to react, how am i suppose to feel?

All i feel is just a blanked feeling.. Im neither happy, nor sad, Nor angry.....

I just want to return his camera ASAP.

I dnt want to hold on to any his belongings. It's only making me think of the past that cant be return..

gosh i miss my Blog, My Bro have been hogging on the pc lately. So that leaves me with no chance of getting near the pc.

Well things have not really been good for me. For the past few months, i've been losing quite a bit of hair...... Therefore i look like im balding.

So being a lady ( worried sick, image concern) i went to Beijing 101. Yes without a doubt they are excellent and will definitely bring results. But.... the only prob that it cost almost $4000 just for 3 mths of treatment!

I was like.......... ( blank) i didnt knw wat to say. Wanted to use my Credit Card to take up the installment Plan.
But being Me, I'll always consult my parents first.

After the consultation in B. 101, dinner with my girls... i made my way home.


These came to me as a surprise....... the moment i went inside my room i started crying,
Yes i was crying histerically, just like a kid....... i cried all night long..


i was just feeling so sad.......... devastated. Negatives thoughts starts to linger in my mind....

The next day, i didnt turn up to work, I stayed in my room the whole morning crying...

My mum came and asked wats wrong, and FOR THE FIRST TIME, REALLY2 FIRST TIME, i blurt out everything, ( i just couldnt be the strong daughter ive always been at tat moment)

" im balding, im fat, im dark, im ugly, im not smart, no guys ever truly love me, even my parents thinks im dark...... and will be hard getting me married of!!!! "

people might think im exagerrating....... but honestly this is the cruel fact that ive been facing ever since i was young.....
I had no frens, People mock at me, called me names..... just cause im indian...... and im dark!
Theres still racism going around.....

After 23 years.......... i guess i couldnt take the mental torture ive been enduring.



As for my hair? Nope..... my parents totally object the idea of me splurging $4000, so currently, im just doing some alternative traditional treatment.


Hopefully things will get better for me... at least for my hair ,

Because as for all the other things ........ theres nothing i can do bout it. Im born with it, Got to live with it...
And yes, im thankful, for watever im given..

There i was, at the bus stop. It's 8.30am... In my mind, i was talking to myself.
I was trying hard to battle this desire in me. That blue shiny thingy is calling me. " come ang get me, u'll feel good and relaxed" I was hearing this in my head... ( Damn! i sound like Ally Mcbeal)

" No! i cant do tat, i gotto be strong!" Fight this evil feeling, fight this tempation....... shooo off this desire.


Bus 359 came along....... i boarded the bus. The moment i sat down. " phewwwwwww....... thank god i didnt take that cab just now"

Today...... is yet another day i manage to control myself from taking the cab..


Im so proud tat ive been managing to avoid cabs. At least now, i can save up..... and i wont spent $500 on cabs every month like i use too...

It's A sunday......... And on every sunday, its a norm or shall i say a routine for me to just sit at home with my family.

Yup, on every sunday........ my whole family will have some family thing to do, wanna knw wat is it? hehe.. its called HOUSE KEEPING.

Wat it actually means........ do house work.. housework...and tonnes of housework.........

everyone will be assigned to do different places.

Me?? As always................ i gotto deal with my Mt' Everest........ ( A Tower Of clothes for me to fold)


When everyone is done with their jobs assigned, we usually will eat the dishes cooked by my mum.
But as for today........ we all just ate some light snacks. Because......... in the evening..... we'll be going out for a big dinner with all my other uncle and aunties. and my cuzzies..... :)


Time Check: 3.30

I was bored like hell...... nothing to do, nothing nice to watch on tv, and wasnt in the mood to read my book.
So as always....... i went around my house disturbing my siblings....
and Walah!! My bro, Yo..... was playing the piano.......


Hmm... ever since young i wanted to learn the piano, only that my parent coludnt afford to sent me for classes..... so...

I made my Yo teach me to play a simple piece on the piano........

And so.. i practised....... and practised........... and practised...............


Time Check: 6.30


Wow!! 3 hrs have passed? damn............. i just found my slef something new!! something fun . something to keep me from boredome and keeps me frm thinking bout all my worries, My old memories........

Yipee!! I loveeeeeee the piano.......

Time check: 11.10pm

ok me gtg now.................. got to practise one last time on my piano, before i visit my drema land!

Yawn….. feeling sleepy actually, but still feel like blogging.

Well, I had a time/date check today… then I realized its only Tuesday.
Damn… I feel like its already wed or Thursday.
I guess due to all those datelines to submit and all those other logistics things I have to handle at work.

Well…. Went to work yesterday.
Something was diff bout me, Nope. I dint cut my hair….. it was just the way I dress,
I was totally looking very corporate/ executive.

Finally after 1 whole year (had phobia of wearing suite/shirts)……… I took out all my shirts and suites. It’s about time now! I got to really dress up like a manager.
Enough of being a manager who looks sloppy and sometimes a little provocative for work.

So yeah, when I reach office, I had many feedbacks on my outfit… or shall I say compliments? Hmm. Don’t really know.

They think I dnt know this. But I do. They’re just trying to suck up, or some people say it “kiss my ass” Oh pleaseeee…………. U won’t get anything from me.

Don’t get me wrong………. Im not a ghastly manager, in fact im a very nice one. But time and again.. throughout this entire working life of mine.
I come across diff kind of people…. And yes ive been betrayed by my own sales people.
Someone who I really loved just like a sister..

Oh well…….. I guess I’ll stop brooding on this.




Tomm is gonna be wed…….. just hoping it wont be a mundane wed.

Yawn………………* Gosh………. Im sleepy… gtg now. Toodles!


PS: I have phobia in wearing suite/shirts………. Due to my previous job. It was a job from hell. Although holding a managerial post, it only meant…. Working my ass off! From Monday to Sunday…. 12 hrs a day. Imagine working this way for almost 2 yrs? Gosh!! Nightmare……….


Phew, fortunately im out of that hell……..

So it’s been raining cats and dogs. But that’s not gonna stop 3 beautiful souls from meeting up. Be it Rain or shine, When the 3 girls misses each other….There's no stoppin us! We’ll sill meet up.

That’s y, we’re Best of Frens *smile*




We went to bugis to send lulu’s Baby Phat jeans to the tailor (didn’t get for us *sob sob* ) hehe…

Then we went to an old complex, which look like it was built from the ancient time. To look for a printer shop ( zai’s up to something, her anniversary is in 3 days)


Once both of their things are done. This 3 girls hold hands And skipped back to the Train Station. Vivo City Time!!
*weeeeeeee* * loo loo, skip to the loo…*

It was fun in Vivo, Basically caused I got to eat Carrot cake (been craving for 3 mths)
Snap lots and lots of pics, Played in the water, Got myself a piggy bank for just $2.





* weeee... i love getting wet ;)


After all those fun in Vivo….. We made our way to SAMAR CAFÉ in Arab Street. It’s a nice play to chill, go on dates, to pick up Shisha smoking habit.. etc.

It was fun……… we stayed there till almost 1am. I made lulu and Zai try the shisha, again and again…….. hehehehe * evil grin* And yup… they felt it too, they felt high, slight giddiness….
But too bad…. They had migraine all the way home after tat. Ish ish ish……..



It been 1 yr......... since the 3 of us realyl spent quality time together, the whoel day out havinf fun. Gosh....... just talking and looking all the pics, makes me misses them loads again. ( Zai And Lulu, You're my Bestest Fwennn!!)



To Lulu:
Warning " Dont Mess WIth us" Grrr... Girl we know you're gonna be busy with school, but no excuse k! Try to make time for us. ;)

We Won the tickets last year, somewhere in July. Finally we made used of the Tickets, Golden Village Gold Class Tickets.
The show that i watch:- Yup, Blood Diamond ( higly recommended!!! ) i personally give a rating of 5 stars.

Where's the Gold Class Cinema At?




After 1 1/2 months, finally i get to hang ut with sharon. So, while Waiting for our show to start, we got ourself a treat! yummy, its none other then my Macaroni Cheese, Corn Niblets and Corn Muffin ( zai dont drool k ;) hehe )



Just take a look at those pics? Im sure u can tell how big the soFa is rite? Yup, thats our Reclining Sofa, We even had a small table in front of us, a blanket to keep us warm. And there's actually waiters who will serve u food inside the cinema. ( unfortunately , food is not included in the ticket)

People Say, Theres always a first time to everything, My First time in the Grand Cinema? Damn! Im pampered......... i wanna go there again. I dnt mind paying 30 dollars to watch a great movie with great comfort.


Would You??

I wanna fall in love, Be loved, Be kept close to someone's heart, Hugged when im feeling down. Kissed to show the affection....


But I Cant!!

Im sorry i cant accept your Love. Im sorry if i broke your Heart.
I guess im not ready for anything to start between us.

If hating me..... makes it easier for u to stop loving me. Then please do so...

Im sorry

The First Person i thought during New year: Hasril ( my ex)

The first thing i did during new year: Wished my Family

The first food i ate for new year: Chocolate Biscuit

The first Drink: Teh Tarik

The Fist Person Who Sms me: Ashika

The first man/ non relative i talk too : Iman

The first Blog i read: Missy Zai's Blog

The first Swearing i Said: F#*K ( i gotto stop this habit!)

The first Person i hanged out with: Sherry

The first Place i chill at: Changi Airport

The first prayer i made: I prayed i'll never be heartbroken again, be happy always, keep my family and my self healty. and bless us..

The first silly thing i heared: "I rather be buried in Bidadari then Pusara Aman, It's cooler in Bidadari" ( sherry said this)

The first Transportation i took: Car

The first thing i said to myself: " It's new year... everything got to change"


So yeah....... that's roughly the first of everything for my 2007